If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
