thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
