Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Drake has all the answers
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
