I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
