Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
