Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
