I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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