I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
