Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
