a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize