He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
