me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
