I hate all girls vehemently.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
