youre lurking in front of me
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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