She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You made out with two different species that night
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
