i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
