we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i've created a new STD.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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