the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize