Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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