guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
