I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
