6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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