If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
splinters make it hard to masturbate
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
