But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
