i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
