oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
