The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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