she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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