1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
