I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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