Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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