wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
