are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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