While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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