You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
