Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
