i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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