so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
