She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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