I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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