I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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