You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
