they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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