im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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