This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
