when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
