i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
