hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
