Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
