When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
