So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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