i think my tv is drunk
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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