like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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