Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
ttyl tear gas
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
