Me too!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
