why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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