just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
