he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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