I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
