He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
