Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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