is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
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