Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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