i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
