Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
