last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
