you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize