I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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