You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
