We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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