ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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