They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
