You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
