Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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