Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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